Rainbow Wolf

It Gets Old

2012-02-10T23:17:00.002-06:00

I love my mother, y'all know that. But she's testing my last nerve. On Facebook of all places. I haven't been there much lately, but I said something tonight and she jumped all over it with a guilt trip for me. I deleted the post and if I say anything else I'll make sure she and babysis don't see it just because.
I think I'll go to bed now, Lucy talked me out of a lot of my upset because I'm actually happy about the job even tho it's short term. I'm not stupid YAY! I had doubts about my ability to do anything. I'm ok. This has been a boost to my self esteem because I haven't had any in awhile. I'm gonna be ok I think. Later kids.

You're kidding Right?

2012-02-07T22:07:00.002-06:00

I got a phone call today. I have to re-take my drug test. I find it amusing because I'm the cleanest person in the history of the world, but really?
We all know I drink, but other than that, Ibuprofen is the strongest thing I ever take so. Maybe they don't know what a clean test looks like. Or it could have been the 5 cups of coffee I had at breakfast with that old friend. Whatever. I'll let ya know. Night kids.

So, it's a job

2012-02-06T20:44:00.002-06:00

I finally calmed down. My nerves have been shot. Today was pretty much the trial run, and I'm pretty sure I'll be ok so that helps a lot. So I have something to make me behave for a couple of weeks because I've got to be up at the crack of dawn, which makes me go to sleep at a decent hour, and I get to exercise my brain. Hopefully this will lead to bigger and better things, but if not, at least it makes my resume' look better.
Wish me lots of luck, even tho I'm not stupid (and sometimes I forget that), there are people smarter than me looking for jobs too. Later kids.

It's a brand new day

2012-02-03T21:15:00.002-06:00

Annie is an Engineer and I'm a Contractor. Who would have thunk?
I has a job. It's only for 2 weeks, but weeeeeee. It's a job. Hopefully it will lead to other jobs.
I've been so fucking depressed, this gave me hope so. Cross your fingers I'm not totally stupid.
Ok, I know I'm not totally stupid, but I just ain't right.

Also another of those things I had words for, that now escape me because I drink too fucking much. At least having a job will cut down on that.

And It works like that

2012-01-30T19:31:00.003-06:00

I've been busy, kinda. There's lots of sleeping going on, and a possibility of a real job, but same ole sitting on hold for that.
Last night I grilled. I've done that off and on, but not really. Last night I was missing Handsome seriously. He hung out next to me, waiting to see if I'd drop something, and I always did. The girls don't seem to get that, so I was a mess by the time the food was done.
Annie and Lucy said everything was good, I still haven't eaten any of it.

I also made more sense in my head last night, but couldn't write without crying so I didn't. Mrs. Asshole called me just after lunch today so we've been drinking for hours.
I'm deciding which me I like better.

Love you

2012-01-25T22:43:00.002-06:00

I'm having a rash of people losing people right now and my PMSing ass is having a hard time with it. I called Mom just to thank her for still being here, and that turned into a CONVERSATION, but it was still ok.
I'm ok, but, if you're still reading this, besides you JS, you know I love you, thank you. I love you all too.
I'll be calling Dad tomorrow to thank him for his house where I and friends raided his freezer and had dinner after his Dad died. Friend and I both needed the calm place, and I'm thinking I need to go back to it because coming home has made me an emotional mess. Geeze.

Back to the sentiment of the moment, I am a loving person, I don't like bullshit, and get tired of mine on a regular basis, pretty much why I haven't said much lately. If you need something, let me know, I can at least be a shoulder to cry on. Take care kids.

So it's been that long?

2012-01-16T02:58:00.002-06:00

Mom is currently cancer free so YAY!
Or at least PET scan says she is, have to have a couple of other things done, but lymphoma is gone for now.
It's a really good time to be unemployed because Annie's aunts are acting up and she needs to be gone a lot. It's a really bad time to be unemployed because it's messing with my head something awful. I don't need much to mess with that anyway.

I think I should go to bed, or work on the book I'm writing because hey, most people get a hit when they've hit bottom right? LOL

New and Improved

2012-01-04T22:13:00.002-06:00

Mom is going to get her test results all by herself tomorrow. I guess she's a big girl now. She told me she didn't need me to go with, it wouldn't change the results, and she's right so there we go.

I've been depressed as hell lately, but still maintaining because somebody has to right?
Weepy has been replaced by sleepy so I'll go to bed soon.

It was 80's at The Dive tonight just because, and I need to look up Sass Jordan again because I loved her, but it may have been only me that did.

Lucy has kicked me to the curb. I can't remember if it's because I'm an inconsiderate asshole or an insensitive bitch, or both, but that is what it is.

Annie may have a job so good for her. I'm looking at leaving everything again because I can.
Think I'll go sleep because I can. Night kids.

Happy Fucking Holidays

2011-12-20T23:59:00.002-06:00

If you've been here, you know I hate this time of year. I'm sorry I'm not really visiting anyone lately either, in case you noticed. I'm playing mindless games or looking for a job, or most likely, spending my time drunk because I can. There's been an awful lot of that lately.
My marketable skills in my opinion are little. Other people say I'm downplaying my thing. So give me your opinion.
I graduated High School. (A year late because I was stupid about some girl)
I went to work for a manufacturing company where I did menial labor for about 6 years.
I worked for another company doing the same kind of thing, in a supervisory position for almost a year before going back to the original company where I built databases and twiddled my thumbs for awhile.
Suddenly, I'm their IT person. We had a network of 4 computers, and it was my job to make sure everyone knew what they were doing!
This grew to over 50 computers, and I'm still the "go to person". For 15 years.

I set up and adminstered the new computer system, was told I was worthless, and my services were no longer required.

No wonder I'm a drunk. At least I'm good at that.

The Wedding

2011-12-07T02:56:00.002-06:00

It was nice. Saw a bunch of people I don't usually get to see. Had free booze and drank way too much of it. The Newlyweds had provided lodging for a bunch of us right beside the next stop on the drunk train. I walked over and had Lucy retrieve me before I went in because I really, really didn't need to be there after I danced all afternoon. We went back to the room, ordered pizza and watched "It's a Wonderful Life." Love the movie only because I love Jimmy Stewart
She says I was talking to other people on my way to sleep, I think I was talking to Jose' since Annie left her bottle with me and Ms. Sweet and I got into it before bedtime.

Mom is mad at me because she's called a couple of times and I haven't answered. I'm just not feeling real chatty right now. Part of the reason this place is collecting dust. Even my writing sucks because it's all about job applications and bullshit lately. Hard to explain that to someone who isn't in it I guess.

Oops, it's after 3 so I should go to bed. Have to be up at.........yeah. It's kinda like that.
Later.

December Sucks

2011-12-02T22:16:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow will be 23 years since my sister died. I'll be attending a wedding. I think she would appreciate the irony.

The Widow and Boytoy will heretofore be known as the newlyweds.

I didn't think it would bother me, but it is so I should probably get some sleep before I get all stupid because I need to be pretty and shit tomorrow.

Off to find some stupidity with Lucy and go to bed before 3 for a change.
Later.

Dusting the Place Off

2011-11-29T21:32:00.002-06:00

I've been slacking, but I've been busy. Castleville won't take care of itself ya know.

I'm having a whole lot of "Idunno" these days. Lucy is staying here since her home is stressing her out. My home, Annie and her is stressing me out.

Job hunt is still a hunt. A friend sent me something today where she can at least get me interviewed so fingers crossed. I've become complacent and that's not a good thing.

I'm gaining weight because I drink all night, sleep all day, and start all over again. Not a good thing.

I know Grannie. I'm working on it.

My self esteem is gone these days. I know I'm worth a shit, but nobody else does and it sucks. I also seem to have lost my train of thought since Lucy asked me a question....

Think I'll go play a game. Later.

Nothing Really New, But...

2011-11-21T01:25:00.002-06:00

I've been in a seriously foul mood lately. I can't help it. I'm unemployed, my head hurts and, I'm worthless.
I love Spawn, but after last night and today, I wanted to kill him too because he never shut up. Thankfully he did sleep last night. I wouldn't have made it if he'd stayed up with me. Knocking on the door and trying to scare me at 7 a.m. is acceptable since he crashed around 9 and I stayed up till 1. I got a break.

Dinner with the family was actually pretty awesome. Food was good even if I did help Mom do the major parts, and I ate too much of it.

Came home and hit The Dive for a much needed chill out and I'm better now.
Off to do shit tomorrow since looking for a job tonight isn't going too well either.
Sigh.

Dog Sitting again

2011-11-11T23:34:00.002-06:00

Ms Sweet is off on another adventure. I'm enjoying her dog and her comfy bed while she's gone. He's not happy that his schedule is messed up, but I think we'll be able to live together for a bit.
He's snoozing right now after hacking my facebook to bitch about me. We'll have a chat in the morning.
I'm off to bed since I haven't gotten much sleep the last few days either.
Later kids.

Hard to Keep Track

2011-11-07T20:51:00.002-06:00

Days run together lately. Got a couple of things to do this week, and spending some time with Friend's dog while she's travelling again. Maybe I'll get back to blogging while I'm there.

I Did a Good Thing

2011-11-03T21:40:00.002-05:00

Went to visitation for the friend's mom, and got her way drunk after.
She needed it.

I have a billion post it's in front of me with job info and passwords to get there...
I don't care tonight. I'm happy I made my friend happy, at least for a minute. I love her, and she deserves way better than she's gotten.

We had some diso at The Dive, drinks and many toasts to her Mom. Hubby took her home in her cups, and I may own a new Harley next week when we kidnap her.

Oh yeah, I'm in the kidnapping business lately, she's on my list for next week.

This is Different

2011-11-02T20:28:00.002-05:00

Put new clothes on the Jeep today, it's awesome, it's like not having windows. I think I wore my fingerprints off getting the damned thing on, but still, worth it.

Went to The Dive and My Brother showed up. There was a partial power outage so we threw some darts in the dark. He kicked my ass. He then found a couple of other people and at least he was taking the really drunk one home, he kept pressing his knee against mine even tho he knows better. I'm not in the mood. I wouldn't be interested in drunk guy even if I was straight.

Got home and had a note to call a former co-worker about lunch Saturday with several other former co-workers. Most of them are the same family, and one I've seen off and on for lunch over the last couple of years, but still. Intriguing. I'll plan to be there.

Funeral for another friend's mother tomorrow so I've got to drag my ass out of bed and put on real clothes for a change. It's been awhile. Got a pill to help me get through that, but probably shouldn't take it since My Brother told me who got my job contract and I need to pass a test if they consider me. Dammit.

Guess I'll go play for a bit and put my ass in bed. Night.

Had a Plan, Kinda

2011-11-01T21:15:00.003-05:00

No, not really. I kinda thought about doing this, and that, and probably would have if I'd been alone. Instead I took off to do something someone else(s) wanted and it has just pissed me off so I think I'll go cocoon and be done with it for the night.

I had sentences that made sense about what's going on, but they're in my head, and that's a scary place right now. I wish I could write what I think when I'm stringing sentences together.

I was happy to write stories about the Kidnapped Kingsnake, until... I got self-concious about bothering people with it, but too, why bother?

Yep, making no sense again. Time to sleep, or check and see how many cats are eating these days and then sleeping. I'm not too amusing lately.

Nothing New to Report

2011-10-30T00:37:00.002-05:00

I've done some more painting, yard work, and hanging out. The job that was really a job went poof. Just hanging out and looking for something at the moment. Got cash from my 401k so the Jeep will get some new clothes and the bills will get paid for a bit longer since Annie isn't doing well on the job front either.

Lucy is here for a couple of more days, having lunch with a long lost friend tomorrow, and that's about it. Got some pinto beans in the crock pot and about to put my ass in bed. I'm tired for someone who didn't really do anything today.
Later kids.

So I Walk Into a Bar....

2011-10-25T23:30:00.002-05:00

Yeah, not surprising. Nothing about this is actually, just wanted a title.
I ran errands, bought books, and sat at The Dive to read for a couple of hours because I could. It's Stephen White this week, pretty good stuff.
Annie is away and Lucy won't be back till tomorrow so I've had some alone time.
It's not that much different except I have more bed when I finally get there.
I grocery shopped today, was gonna grill hotdogs and decided that was too much trouble for just me so I had a hot pocket. The pizza ones aren't bad.
Applied for a job a friend accidentally told me about on facebook and pondered the meaning of life while watching Las Vegas....ok, not so much.
I got up early and did some stuff, then went back to bed because I could. I'm a slug.
Going to Tn. tomorrow to help Annie do some painting, and planning my life from there.
I have seriously been thinking about shit lately, and maybe it is time for me to make a real change and get the hell outta here.
The only interviews I've had are for the same job, just different companies vying for the contract, and that doesn't seem to be going too well for any of us.

The reasons I was staying here aren't really valid reasons anymore, it just took me a long time to figure that out. So....We shall see what happens.

Lucy is going home

2011-10-23T23:35:00.002-05:00

That's temporary, but still not a good idea from here. I'm not happy about it, but there it is.
I have nothing else to say.

So It is

2011-10-21T00:32:00.002-05:00

I have a job, sorta. Cotingent upon my passing a background, drug, and security clearance check. Not a problem. Their side is, contingent on award. Damn N@S@.
Does my ego good to know I'm wanted, but doesn't do shit for my wallet.
Still looking for a non-guvment job, but minimum wage is the same as sitting on my ass drawing pennies. I see the shine now.
I still have nightmares about the old job, and that just really pisses me off.

I think I should sleep now.

Gray

2011-10-19T02:49:00.002-05:00

I've been bitching at Lucy, I had 2 visible gray hairs on the top of my head. I was ok with that, they were quirky, added character, but hid most of the time. Now I have about a dozen and I'm blaming every one of them on her.
I need to go to bed, but I'm not sleepy, and I need to rest, but I've been looking for a job again and it's scary. I think I'll take my new gray and become a Wal-Hell greeter if they'll have me; it's that bad.
Yeah, sleep would be a good thing about now. Later kids.

Yeah, I'm up too late

2011-10-18T03:16:00.003-05:00

Got up early, washed windows, and headed out to Armpit. I did stuff at Mom's while she and Lucy hung out, and really? I walked out on the porch and for real, Mom is telling Lucy the optimal way to kill yourself. I finished my cigarette and went back in the house before I learned something.
We went out and watched Spawn play soccer, he's pretty good. His team is undefeated so far even tho they scored one for the other team tonight. Kindergarten, still young, but damn he's growing.
Lucy unwrapped his new sword, he handed it to me so we could fight and she got mad that SHE opened it and I was was the one that got to play with it. I told her it's because it's a guy thing LOL. He's got that part down.
I think it might be time to get some sleep. Later kids.

Gnomes and Stuff

2011-10-16T23:03:00.002-05:00

Moved Gnome furniture today, it made her happy.
Went to an Open House yesterday and interviewed for the same damn job I interviewed for a couple of months ago. NASA is apparently shopping contractors. At least it was an ego boost, and I'm still qualified for it if it ever becomes available........
Then off to The Asshole's house for the ballgame that I really gave a shit about, but there was food and stuff. I made Mr. Asshole's dip since he was out golfing all day, it was cool. Darts, Wii bowling, and hopes of hashbrowns that were dashed so I slept, then took my hangover to The Gnome's house. At least I got to see the dog. He still loves me.
Off to sleep some more now because I can. Or maybe play on facebook until an ungodly hour of the morning. Hmmmm, decisions, decisions.

Jobs......

2011-10-14T22:18:00.003-05:00

Not so many of them these days. I think I fumble fingered my way out of one today too. Dammit. Fucking phone.
I'm also having my first period in 5 months and Wolverine Hair. I'm not a happy camper obviously.

Going to update my facebook with that wolverine pic and put my ass in bed.
Later kids.

Things Happen for a Reason

2011-10-13T21:52:00.002-05:00

That's my Mom's take on life anyway. I'm trying to use that philosophy for I've been available for things I wouldn't otherwise have been available for.
Besides Lucy, it looks like I may be having a cat. I swore I would never have another, but there it is...

It's Me, it's Me, It's Ernest T

2011-10-12T22:31:00.002-05:00

I forgot.
I did tell a friend that Lucy had a breakdown. That friend can actually be trusted. I didn't tell her all of it, but I think she gets it. I need an excuse for Lucy being here all the time lately, and she'll help me fashion one. She's in sales...

I'm all over some jobs, but they ain't all over me so....

Cashed in the 401k today since it wasn't that much anyway. It'll pay the bills for a couple of months while we both try to find someone who thinks we're special. Besides our Mom's I mean.

My wit is apparently sleeping with my sense of humor tonight because I can't seem to find either. We'll try that later.
NIGHT kids.

Unemployment has Gotten Really Old

2011-10-10T01:54:00.002-05:00

I need a little structure. My schedule is completely screwed, as you can tell since I'm writing this at 2 a.m. I either sleep too much or not enough, but I'm definitely drinking too much. I'm gaining weight between that and actually eating these days since I cook more, and with Lucy here, there is definitely more cooking going on. She enjoys doing that.
If I'm not helping the other gnome move furniture all day tomorrow there will be more job shopping, and giving up on the specialty shit. I'm ready to take anything that's a job because this beach bum attitude is not good for me. Especially since there's no beach in sight and I don't have any Hawaiian shirts. Must go to bed since I may actually be moving gnome furniture tomorrow. Night kids.

So I Went Out Back To Smoke...

2011-10-07T21:54:00.002-05:00

Lucy was in the front, so I went out on the deck to smoke. I haven't been out there much lately. Tonight wasn't pretty. I know it's been 2 months but I miss Handsome so much when I go out there. I'll learn, but not yet.

Lucy is....I'm not sure yet. She's sleeping and eating better, but still not 100%. I'm still day to day with that, hoping she'll feel better soon because I don't know what to do other than what I'm doing right now. She's safe, sheltered, and loved, and I'm trying to talk to her about stopping some of the worry about things she can't fix. I'm not the best person for this job, but I'm trying.
And on that note, I think I'll go do something mindless for a bit, smoke outside with my kitties, and put my ass in bed. Night kids.

So It Wasn't A Jailbreak

2011-10-04T23:13:00.003-05:00

It just turned into a kidnapping. Lucy actually thought I was taking her to her house. Her sister and I decided that wasn't a good idea, so she's hanging out at Casa Wolf for awhile.
She doesn't remember any of last week, and very little of the first day at her new digs, which may be a blessing. She's getting less blurry tonight, and didn't really mind being kidnapped so I'm good so far. I'm off to bed because it was a long drive to collect her ass. Although it was fun when I turned off the interstate and she thought I was making good on that threat to take her down a Tn backroad and beat her ass lol.
Off to bed. Later.

Gonna Ramnble SO....

2011-10-03T21:18:00.002-05:00

Today is sister's birthday. She would have been 43. Hell, she was 43 mentally when she died so I probably didn't miss much except all those years and all those kids she would have had. I still miss her though.
Anyway, just another day in the life. Lucy said she's getting outta lockup tomorrow, her sis knows nothing about this, so I may be being played. Waiting for morning to find out, because if I'm driving all that way to bust her out? I'll kill her before we get very far.

I'm apparently not well, and not finding a job is working on me to the point where I just really, really don't care anymore. I stay up all night and sleep most of the day when I can. I got up at lunch today after crashing around 5am to help Annie do stupid shit that I normally wouldn't do.

I think I need to give up and get some sleep now just because I can. Oh shit, my mother called earlier. I need to check in. That should be fun.
Later kids.

Sunday Afternoon with Lucy

2011-10-03T02:22:00.002-05:00

Saw her today. She's good, and not, and her sister is crazy too so I'm just sitting here going WTF. I should clarify the sister. She's into holistic stuff and not using real doctors and she thinks her friends can heal Lucy and I'm all "bullshit" but keeping my mouth shut so... It was that kinda day.
Lucy was more animated and healthy looking than I've seen her in a long time, but also scheming a way to get out of there, and still more just sitting here going WTF.
And I forget she'll read this whenever she gets out, but she'll agree with what I've said so far so ok.
I told her to call my mom, I didn't know mom was gonna rip her, but oh well. She deserved it anyway.

I need to put ass in bed because I've got to get back on some kind of regular schedule. In case a job calls and all ya know? Not that it's looking likely, but one can hope.
Later.

Latest and Greatest

2011-09-30T22:10:00.003-05:00

I still don't know shit. Lucy is in a good place for her right now. I've talked to her and she sounds good, but I've also talked to other people, and it's not gonna be good when she gets out so she's gonna end up back in the same situation which isn't good. Horns of a dilemma anyone?
She's gonna come home to the same shit that sent her over the edge because they're sitting there waiting for her to get home and take care of shit because they can't be bothered.
I think I'll shut up now. If my mother ripping you a new one doesn't phase you, nothing will. And yes, she's done that a couple of times in the last few days.

I don't understand that mentality, but anyway.
Later.

so.....

2011-09-29T00:10:00.002-05:00

I saw Lucy today and actually made her laugh a few times. Got a text later from her sis that they were moving her so I won't be able to see or talk to her for a few days.
Maybe that's best for everyone, she'll be out of the loop for a bit so hubby will have to fend for himself. Not really a sore spot, but it is, Lucy has taken care of everyone for so long, it's not good. Maybe she'll take care of herself for awhile.

Off to bed because I have to. Hopefully a job will show up tomorrow. Later kids.

So There It Is

2011-09-27T22:28:00.002-05:00

This place is usually all about me, and it still is, but Lucy is worrying me. Seriously. She did a shitload of stupidity yesterday. She's been talking about things for awhile, but of course none of us thought she would actually go there. She did. Looked like it would be ok yesterday so I came home, and now I'm not so sure.
Her husband is calling to keep me in the loop mainly because he wants to know what I know, and her sister doesn't really want him to know that, she's keeping me in the loop because she thinks I can help Lucy, and I'm just WTF over all of it.
Lucy called me yesterday crying, and semi-coherent. I finally got out of her that she was wanting to check out and she'd done shit. She got incoherent after I'd called her Sis to check on her.
She's still in ICU in a podunk hospital. I'll be visiting podunk hospital tomorrow since her sister told me she's not better. She was supposed to be ok by today from what they told me yesterday.
Will keep you posted.

Stuff I Can Put Here but Nowhere Else

2011-09-26T21:38:00.002-05:00

Lucy went with me and Dad to Tunica. We had a good time. She called me this morning several times before I finally called her back because I was all about that sleeping thing, it was raining and I was trying to catch up.
She did something supremely stupid so I called her sister and met them at the hospital. She's ok, and there is a line forming to kick her ass. And now I get to kick it twice since her husband just called asking me if I had something to do with it. I can't tell him, "No, it's you" so I played nice and here I am.
I think I'll go find some more of that sleep I've been looking for. Send up a good thought for Lucy, she's having a hard time.

Been Slacking

2011-09-26T00:07:00.002-05:00

I Caught the big fish, saw Charlie Daniels with Dad, and won and lost a bunch of money. It was a good week.

I had a novel in the making earlier, but of course that's like everything else, it goes up in smoke. I can't remember my name for more than a minute right now, and I can't spell either, and dammit, I can spell. I'm tired of this shit, I think I'll go sleep for a couple of days since I was wide awake all the time Dad was all over the road and I was losing money gambling. I'm tired.

Later.

I had a point

2011-09-22T00:16:00.002-05:00

Facebook is pissing me off, as it is everyone else in the Universe.
I didn't make visitation today, I think she understands.

Mom has pissed off everyone, including Lucy which is tatamount to at least an OMG.
My fault still, but anyway.
I still have no job, I'm still looking, but talking to people..........geeeze.
I should give up and run away while I can.

Going to sleep now since I can do that really well. Later kids.

De-sensitized?

2011-09-19T23:42:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. Shit has been said about the last thing, and I think I'll skip the whole thing. She'd understand. I don't want fake people around when I die. Dammit you better actually care about me if you show up.
Today was useless, and tonight Annie was crazy and I was the gatekeeper for most of that so I dunno.
Talked to my brother, since he showed up late. We argued politics for a bit because he likes to and I don't care most of the time. He said it sounded like I did have the job that's on hold, but since it's on hold I should be looking. Great.

Gotta get Annie out of here in the morning so I can have the house to myself for a few days. I need to lie around in my underwear for a day or so just because.
It's hard to have a pity party with someone else around.

Think I'll play here for a minute and take my ass to bed. I don't even have the energy for Wii tonight.

Especially Sensitive? I dunno

2011-09-18T20:24:00.002-05:00

Think I may be a tad, but shit y'all. Got a phone call today, a former co-worker hanged herself this weekend. I don't know any details other than she'd been laid off, was called back to work at some point, so I don't know what the hell happened that caused all this.
I've got to go to the funeral home because I've known her forever, and know her family but I really don't want to see any of those other people there so that bothers me too.
She was a nice person. I didn't see her all the time, and she could get on my last nerve, pretty much like everyone else I know, but she was sweet, and I really hate it she felt this was her only option.
Off to do something mindless for awhile and hit the bed since job-shopping is even more depressing. Later.

I Got Up at The Buttcrack of Dawn for This?

2011-09-18T00:10:00.002-05:00

Alarm set for 5, got up at 5:30. Threw biscuits in the toaster oven, put shit in the yard, and took off to put up signs saying "We're having a yardsale dammit."
Kinda ate, had some coffee Annie made that put dark curlies on my chest, and waited for the masses. They failed to materialize. I guess they didn't get the memo.
Waiting for Ms. Sweet to have one and take out an ad saying we have BOOKS, AND BOOKS, and other stuff. Disappointing day to say the least. I'm just happy I sold that snuggie my dad thought I needed. Really?
Other things, Lucy and I hung out with Little Shit since his mom is out of town. Wendy's really sucked ass tonight, but it was food, and Mr. Shit didn't care, he got me time. Home, Annie is gone, Lucy has crashed, and I'm probably not far behind. My non-existent ass is dragging.
Later.

SO.... It's like this

2011-09-15T21:38:00.003-05:00

Woke up early, primed Annie with a biscuit and we got shit done at The Asshole's house. It's pretty.
Played trivia with Mr. Cool while Annie did other shit and met The Assholes for dinner. 3rd again, but that's still in the money so I'm good with it.
Finally got an e-mail saying the job was a job, but...........
I'm delayed until the guvment gets their shit together basically. FUCKERS.
Anyway, back to looking.
Mom is mad at me because I haven't been there, haven't called and all that. And it wouldn't matter if I called every day.
She sinks into depression but she doesn't understand when other people do. I've been in the pit for a long time now. My light was this job, I was told "Yes, you know your shit". Not in those words, but you know what I mean.
Asshole from last job made me feel so inept I was worried, I thought maybe I didn't really know my shit.
I'm better, stronger, faster now. And Dammit, people like me.

Maybe Looking Up

2011-09-14T21:52:00.002-05:00

I applied for a job yesterday (several actually) and got a call back. Short phone interview, another phone interview set up for this morning. Apparently I'm not as dumb as I thought, interviewer said I knew my shit, without putting it that way, and now I'm in the hands of the hiring manager. Fingers crossed I get a call back tomorrow.
Worked on The Asshole's yard today since that's still something to do, got yardsale stuff to finish getting together and running out of time, but I'm not going to the shed in the dark and rain to pull boxes out tonight. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Or wait till the last minute like I usually do anyway. Think I'll crash early tonight since I have things to do tomorrow. Later kids.

So it's later...

2011-09-12T02:47:00.003-05:00

I'm still working on the book. Floors are mopped, Lucy hates me, and I'm just in a generally foul mood. I should sleep, but that seems to be elusive right now too.
I wore one of my free shirts today and since it actually fits, I realized I look sickly. I know I've lost weight, but catching sight of myself in the mirror was kinda "Whoa Shit" for a second. That's not good since I have no insurance anymore either.
I've never been without a job this long, it's kinda scary. I'm not destitute yet, and won't be if my parents have anything to do with it, but I don't want to depend on them either. I applied for jobs where my friend is, will tell her in the morning (later today) to get my apps pulled and see where it goes I guess. And I think now I'll finish the book and put my ass in bed. She Wore A Yellow Ribbon is coming on. Love that movie.

Sundays are Hard

2011-09-11T20:34:00.002-05:00

I don't know if it's because Lucy leaves on Sunday or a little bit of everything else, but I don't really like them anymore. Today was really bad, I guess the anniversary made it worse. I just want to sit in the corner and cry, and that's not going to help anything so here I am.
Annie is out of town so I'm home alone again which also doesn't help anything. At least with her here I have some human interaction. Mostly her bitching at me about job hunting, but still, that's something. A friend jumped me yesterday about applying (again) where she could at least get me interviewed. I did, but I don't expect much from it. My self-esteem is in the toilet too. Oh well.
I have a book I was all into a little while ago and now have no desire to finish so I think I'll mop floors and do something else for awhile.
Later.

Trivia Night again

2011-09-08T22:14:00.002-05:00

So, Annie didn't leave town. We managed. She worked on her stuff and I got most of my list done. Yard mowed, laundry done, various other tasks accomplished. I have clean sheets, clean room and clean clothes.
Played trivia with Mr. Cool and The Assholes, and Annie. Finished in the top 3 so all good.
Yard Sale is coming up. I'm looking at getting rid of everything I can't, don't, or won't use because really? I have entirely too much shit.
Other than that, I think I'm done for the night. I actually didn't get much sleep after staying up half the night last night.
Things pending....
Job front is not looking good for either of us at the moment so it's about to get scary around here. Another reason to have all my shit gone so I can bail and run away at a moment's notice. Thoughts and stuff.
Must call Lucy. Later kids.

Getting tired of myself

2011-09-07T21:23:00.003-05:00

Did yardwork here and somewhere else today. Yay. Need to do some more here. Annie is going out of town tomorrow so that helps. Spent the last couple of days doing nothing since it was raining.
Even Prince can't seem to cheer me up tonight so I think I'll see if I can sleep. Facebook has pissed me off, being out and about has pissed me off and life in general isn't working out too well. Yep, see what I mean with the title?
Later.

Shit Learned, and then some

2011-09-06T00:36:00.003-05:00

So the power went off for a bit. Not a big deal. We've been there, done that. Difference was I dragged Annie to Offal House, at almost midnight. She went willingly.
I'm pissed the girl who cashed me out made a comment about the tip I left. She didn't wait on me. The one who did was cleaning the table where I'd left some cash on top of the tip I put on the card, so I'm tempted to call and bitch because I can.
Not cool.
4 on 20 when there wasn't much going on? Not bad. So fuck you lady.

I went back to bed this morning and had some of those dreams. I felt one of my cats climbing on me, so they both visited my dreams. It was nice to see them again. They're missed.
I've been a slug today. Mrs. Asshole sent me a text this morning, we went over there and I tried a mussel. No, I don't like. That's done. Had ribs and corn, yes, I do like. Now taking my ass to bed because I can, and only had one cup of coffee while I was out, so that 4 bucks was actually too much.
Later kids.

I'm a big Pussy

2011-09-01T21:51:00.002-05:00

Last night I slept with ice on my shoulder because I apparently pulled something while digging up stumps, pretending my ribs weren't hurt. Today my ribs hurt. Yes, they are bruised, and Lucy and I will talk about that later. I've applied for several jobs and nothing is happening so...... I'm getting scared.

Gonna go to bed soon with more ice and hope I don't have bad dreams again. Night kids.

And yet another Thing

2011-08-30T23:03:00.002-05:00

For some reason, I'm leading with my left these days. I noticed it awhile ago while digging a drainage ditch for Annie, my left leg was sore after. Caught myself doing it today with the axe. Scary shit ain't it? I won't even be able to be a capable axe murderer at this rate.
Life is terrifically boring right now. After some yardwork, I hung out till I found dirt on my ear and had to shower and get back out of the house. I did get some Little Shit time so that helped. He still loves me.
I should get to sleep because my schedule is really screwed. Later kids.

Out of Character

2011-08-29T23:54:00.003-05:00

Being unemployed is making me do strange things. I went to a movie this afternoon. I generally don't do that, but things being what they are, Annie and I went to see The Help. I liked it, and hated it, and the movie experience at 3 pm is way better than most times I've been, so there is that.
Movie is worth a watch, I just told Lucy I wouldn't be seeing it with her because she's gonna get ballistic about some of it, and that's ok, but she's on her own with it.
After that our boys were working the bar since we went to the nice theater, (I even put on jeans for this outing) so we got to see them for a bit. It's been awhile.

I'm home and don't know what to do with myself since I'm not sleeping lately after way too much of it. Feast or famine.

Finally got off my ass and started applying for jobs I can actually do and **crickets**. That's not good. Will keep sending shit out and see what happens because it's getting to be crunch time. My nest is thinning and I don't like it.
Think I'll go hit baseballs or something. Night kids.

So......

2011-08-28T22:25:00.002-05:00

Let's see, it's been a few. Mr. Cool bailed on trivia last week so Annie, Mr. Asshole and I played. We finished with a huge score of -1. Now we know for sure who the brains in this operation are lol. We also threw together a suprise birthday party for Mrs. Asshole and The Princess since they both have one coming up this week. Ok, surprise for Mrs. Asshole, we had to tell The Princess so he would actually show up since his Saturdays are always so busy ya know. Lucy and I showed up at the restaurant for a drink, made up an excuse to leave and decorated the house before everyone showed up. It was cool. Dad even came, as did one of her friends she doesn't see much anymore, a good time was had by all.
I think Lucy beat me up in my sleep last night tho, my ribs are bruised and it hurts to breathe, not a good thing since breathing is kinda essential. Got online and applied for a few jobs today so fingers crossed I'll hear from somebody soon. Just watched the VMA's to see Adele and the show definitely lived up to my expectations since I already thought it would suck. Off to check in with Lucy and put my ass in bed since I've got things I have to do tomorrow. Night kids.

Something more Thoughtful, or something

2011-08-24T20:38:00.002-05:00

A friend sent me a text, she had her friend looking for my application. I didn't tell her I applied for a much lesser position than she was expecting. She thinks I'm all that. I'm not. I could be a tech, but not what she's thinking I am.
I'm happy breaking stumps these days. The outside work has been good for me, mentally and physically. I spent so many years worried about work, it's kind of nice not to anymore.
I have to find a job soon, I know that, but at the moment, I like being able to do whatever. Let's just hope I don't cut a leg off anytime soon.

In unrelated events, I just found out my holidays are off and I'm trying to decide if I can make Westfest. I thought it was end of month. Shit. I may just say fuck it any day now and go anyway. I still have too much shit in my head.

So a snake climbs a seawall....

2011-08-23T22:36:00.001-05:00

Yeah, that happened at Dad's today while Annie and I were hanging out. She can't seem to let me go have fun by myself, so there we were. She was fishing from the pier and I was going to change rods or something when she saw snake heading across the water. It climbed up on the seawall and I got a large stick to smack it off before it got in the yard. 5th swing I finally connect. Stupid snake. Anyway, after I beat it a few times (I wouldn't let Annie pick it up and put it on the ground because really? My aim against a copperhead? Hell no.) it swam slowly back to the other side and disappeared. Good riddance.
Other than that, there were hummingbird fights and several fish caught that we threw back for later. It's just always nice to be at Dad's house anyway. He's gone gambling and let me hang out so yay.
Now I need to make my ass go to bed because even tho I don't have to work tomorrow, I have work to do.
Later kids.

That's a Bummer

2011-08-22T23:18:00.002-05:00

Been waiting for my new phone case since I hate not having a clip. Doesn't fit. Fine. Ordered different one that SHOULD fit and will figure out how to send this one back tomorrow. Bastards.
Went to Ms. Sweet's and started a couple of things, too hot, gave up. Spent some time with Little Shit tho, so way worth it. Thought about going to Dad's, ended up at Ms. Fan's house in the pool because it was hotter than hell today. Still thinking about going to Dad's tho. May pack up in the middle of the night, well morning now, and take off because he's out of town and I can have the place to myself. I'm liking that idea.
Going to set alarm and all that, later kids.

So yesterday was this...

2011-08-21T17:04:00.002-05:00

Lucy and I went over to Ms. Fan's house to swim and hang out, had fun. Then off to Dad's after many beers for me. He had dinner on and later he and I sat outside and talked about everything under the sun, but mostly his women and feelings. It was decent. Lucy and I actually went to bed before he did because I was tired, stressed out and kinda trashed lol. Got up this morning to breakfast, did a few things around his place for him and headed home.
Oh yeah, went to put my glasses in their case and he had stuck some cash in there to help pay for my new computer, so he almost bought it for me. Love me some Dad. That helped a lot with the stress, and Ms. Sweet paid us Friday for some of the work at her house so I have my cash stash back again.
Got home and Annie was asking me about jobs and resume' and all that, so I got online and started applying, it's depressing. Anyway, sitting at The Dive so I can drink, job hunt and smoke all at the same time in air conditioned comfort, with a free beer since one of the regulars can't drink right now he bought us all one, even better for me.
Guess I'll do something productive and head home soon since it looks like my Sunday date isn't showing up to kick my ass at darts this week. Oh well.

That Trivia Thing?

2011-08-19T00:01:00.005-05:00

Mr. Cool and I won last week, finished dead last this week. Oh well. Spent our winnings from last week so we both had small tabs, and neither of us really cares, so it's good.
Humility and all.

Shit happens, and all that. Off to bed since I didn't do shit today and still have stumps to take care of in Gnome's yard tomorrow. She's just happy to have a kitchen light so at least I did something.

Later kids.

Yeah, that's better

2011-08-17T23:17:00.002-05:00

At The Assholes's house. She takes me outside to check on food, says I seem angry. Assured her I was not, we ate, brought drunk dumbass home and fumbled for things to do.
Got guitar tuned about the time Lucy called to tell me about her shitty day. Put guitar away again before I hurt it.
I'm not angry for once, I'm just seriously depressed.
I usually am, or do get angry. I just don't have the energy now.
Handsome finished breaking my heart. He was the last link to my old life. But he was more than that too. I miss him, he was my best friend.
Fuck, gonna go do something else and try to sleep. I have stumps to break tomorrow.

Losing My Mind

2011-08-16T21:04:00.002-05:00

I've got to start doing something. I spent today being depressed as hell and sleeping most of the afternoon before hitting The Dive just to get out of the house. It's depressing just being here. I got ready to leave The Dive and couldn't find my keys, guess why? Yep, still in the ignition of my wide open Jeep. That's scary. At least he wasn't stolen and neither were the keys. I need to find something to eat and get my head outta my ass. Not sure either will happen tonight. Off to waste some time.
Later.

Home Alone 2

2011-08-16T01:21:00.002-05:00

I headed to Ms. Sweet's house to install a light, realized I forgot the light. Said fuck it and went to Ms. Fan's pool where I swept, cleaned, and floated around all afternoon. It was cool. Nice of her to let me do that. My boat has a hole though. I need to carry some duct tape over there.
I'm useless. Think I might be useless again tomorrow. I'm catching up on all those vacations I didn't take because work was so important. Yeah, nevermind.
Anyway, need to put my ass in bed since I stayed up all night last night. Later kids.

Whatever Night it Is

2011-08-15T01:44:00.003-05:00

This is my second night alone in this house, and neither has been pretty. I miss the dog terribly.
Even if it's just Annie, I know someone is here, and it's bearable. She's gone again. Probably part of the reason I haven't been anywhere I haven't had to be lately. I'm too considerate.
I'm also an idiot. Going to sleep, I think there's some tequla around here somewhere.

Yeah, that didn't happen. I'm still here. Someone on Facehell said something about my "humility". Do I really? Nevermind, you wouldn't know. I'm a narcissistic bitch, why else would I have a blog? Albeit an anonymous (or as anonymous as I can make it) blog. He knows me in real life, where I'm quiet and contained most of the time.

I guess I should give up this place, but it's where I really talk about what's going on, most of the time. I've deleted stuff when things got ugly, but for the most part I'm more honest here than I am anywhere else.
I write what I want here, you know my fears, hopes, and most everything else. I use this place as a bookmark sometimes for when something happened that I can't remember the date.
I started this to be funny, but now it's more a place for me to vent. I guess I should go back to pen and paper, or just write everything up in a doc.

Decisions, decisions. And they are never made well at 4 am after a shitpot full of beer. I am now, almost, going to bed.

Ah, New Computer Makes a Difference

2011-08-13T23:22:00.002-05:00

Eddie was having issues, processor is overheating to the point of not being able to do anything. Gave up and bought Edith today. Lucy is now jealous.
I like, but I really hated to spend the money. Such is life. I'm still landscaping, but about to have to find a real job.
Jumping Jack Flash is on, haven't seen that in forever. Decent movie.
Gonna go play some more mindless facebook games and take my ass to bed. My sense of humor is nil these days.
Later kids.

Gotta Quit Smoking

2011-08-09T21:42:00.002-05:00

I went out back to smoke for the first time in a week. It wasn't pretty. I've been out there to take care of the girls and mow and stuff, but this was the first time I just went out to smoke. I missed my buddy. The house is too quiet and the yard is too empty. I've been staying gone a lot, working on a friend's yard, and another's pool, but still have to come home and it still sucks.
I know it'll get better, I'm just babystepping. Also about to finish up the yard work I've been doing and start looking for a real job because I can't keep doing this.
I think I'll check in with Lucy and put my ass in bed since I'm heading to Armpit tomorrow. Later kids.

School Starts Next Week

2011-08-05T22:04:00.002-05:00

What better time to take Spawn to The House of Mouse? Yeah, I almost had a nervous breakdown 2 seconds after walking in the door. It was an ocean of ankle biters swarming around me while I looked for Mom and Spawn.
Managed to get through the cardboard pizza and chasing him around for a couple of hours so it was good.
He did me proud, he asked Lucy to hold his drink right before he hit her with his brand new inflatable hammer that she blew up for him. She says he's just like me, poor kid.

Blogger Sucks, and so do I

2011-08-03T21:59:00.002-05:00

I told Lucy tonight that there was nothing holding me here anymore. I meant job, dog, that stuff. She didn't see it that way. She's right, but my priorities have always sucked.

My excuse was she still had responsibilities, I'm on my own now. My own is wide open spaces.

I'm too much of a coward to go there, but I want to. And I should. We'll see if I will.

The Handsome Devil

2011-08-02T23:15:00.003-05:00

came to us as a pup, smaller than my cats, with the biggest feet I've ever seen on a dog. He grew into them. He was one of the good guys. On weekends I'd throw him in the shower with me, then wrap him in a towel and we'd nap on the couch.
Today I missed tripping over him, or his wadded up rugs, and going out to smoke in the back was out of the question. Annie's mother laughed that I put a cigarette in with him, but that was our thing, if I was going to smoke, he was going out and coming back in with me.

He was smart, protective, stubborn, and always out to please.
Yesterday morning he got up because we wanted him to, got to the back door and just laid down, done. He told us it was time. Annie rode in the back with him until we got to the vet's office, vet was out to lunch, so she drove to the lake while I sat with him. That was the only time he smiled. We hung out for a while. Lucy talked to him so we all got time to say goodbye. Back at the vet, deed done, we went to Annie's parents. They had called a neighbor with a bulldozer. That helped a whole bunch, so it didn't take as long as usual.

Today, he's better off and the rest of us are total wrecks. R.I.P. Handsome. Losing you is breaking my heart, but I know you made my heart bigger because you had a great one. I love you.

So That's Done

2011-08-01T22:04:00.002-05:00

The Handsome Devil gave up this morning. He said it's time. He always was a drama queen. He picked the time rather than waiting for us to do it.

We took him to TN, and ended eveything there. Buried him next to Stray, another good dog that mentored him.

Lucy went with us.

I miss him much already.

I had words, but they left.

Goodnight sweet Prince. I love you.

That Figures

2011-07-31T20:25:00.002-05:00

Hung out at a friend's house. Sleepover, bunch of us, good. We swam, laughed and drank. One Friend hasn't done that with us before. I whipped creamed her in the night. Teach her to go to bed.
Talked to the first friend's pool person, gonna call her about a job tomorrow. I can clean a pool dammit.
Came home after all that fun and drunkenness, bruised my foot, spilled blood, and hurt my back. I was ready to go back lol.

I Need a Job

2011-07-28T23:10:00.002-05:00

I'm about to do some yard work for a friend, that's cool. But I'm enjoying this not having a thing way too much. I've been all about work for years and now I'm just sitting on my ass and liking it. Ok, not so much sitting on my ass. Things are getting done here, and there, and I'm doing more family time. I'm just liking the no structure thing. Maybe I should be looking into more of that.
I'm in better shape than I've been in for years from the outside work I've been doing. We'll see how I feel after I get covered up with poison oak from the friend's yard. LOL.

Off to the couch since The Handsome Devil expects me to sleep with him tonight.
Later kids.

Let's Just Get It Over With

2011-07-24T22:23:00.002-05:00

The kid who killed my sister 23 yrs ago called Mom. They both got some closure. The kid is 39 now. She's still 20. I still have issues with it, but I'm glad he called her. And I really do hope it helped him to talk to Mom, sounds like he's had a hard life since.
I still want my sister back, but that's not gonna happen, so there I go. I think it's time for me to sleep. Later.

I've showered multiple times today

2011-07-24T21:56:00.002-05:00

Fingernails, I need to cut mine. I can't type it seems, and I'm blaming it on them.
Today sucked, then got better, then sucked some more. I think I should just either give up or move away.
Lucy couldn't find her glasses or her drugs this morning, I couldn't find my clothes, it was an ugly 20 minutes.
Finally got everything together (there were other mishaps, but we'll get over that).Got to the pool and hung out, drank, saw people, came home and Mom called.
Without detail, she made me cry buckets. I showered for the second time after getting home.
I'm now hating my nails and cussing Lucy for not warning me, but I'll be ok.
Gotta go spend the night tomorrow to get Mom to her appt tuesday so I'll be nice and smile and hope to hell she doesn't wanna talk anymore.

Going to cut nails, because really? They suck.
Night kids.

Had a a Great Post in my Head

2011-07-21T22:43:00.002-05:00

Attention span is zero these days. So is retention.
Dog hanging out in the grass that really needs cutting (but isn't since the mower is in the shop)
He laughs his doggie laugh while wallowing around in the grass, looking completly joyuous. I laugh, then cry.
His future is up to us, and it's not looking good either way. Either he'll suffer because we're wimps, or he'll go before his time for the same reason.
I hate having animals.
I love having animals.

I just really don't want to.
Sorry, bad night. He's still here, waiting for me to sleep on the couch so I can pet him. Guess I'll get to that.

It's Old Home Week

2011-07-20T23:22:00.003-05:00

Soulmate was out and about tonight. I took Annie from Optometrist to Dive to catch up with him.
I don't know what it is, but I love this man. He's the most honest and true person I know. If I was straight, I'd marry him.
Hell, I should marry him anyway, we'd keep each other in check.
I think I should just give up and go to sleep since I can't articulate what I wanted to say, and The Handsome Devil is beside the couch waiting for me.
Nite kids.

Today Did Not Live Up to Expectations

2011-07-19T22:42:00.002-05:00

I got up early (under protest) to mow the yard. I knew mower was acting funny but thought I could rig it at least. Between me and Annie we made it not start, so no mowing for me. Fine. Load it up, take it to the fixit man and come home to go to the grocery store.
Came back to Annie couldn't start the pressure washer we just picked up from fixit man, and neither could I. Load it in Jeep and take a shower since we planned lunch with a friend who lives close to there. Waited and waited for her to call back, finally said fuck it, took it in. Guy started it first time. FINE. Went to lunch, had margaritas and beer and gave up for the day.
Dropped Annie and pressure washer at home and went to The Dive for a couple of hours to read. Book is good, but my attention span sucks these days. I read for a bit, threw some darts by myself and brought my ass home.
Annie was planning to sleep on the couch since The Handsome Devil seems to prefer someone there where he can be petted. Told her I'd do it mainly just so I didn't have to watch anymore Deadliest Catch tonight. He's sleeping at my feet right now, but I'll move to the couch in a few so it's all good.
Looks like the rest of this week is Annie Dr. Appointments, at least 1 I have to drive her to, and a whole lot of whatever. Well, whatever.
Gonna smoke and hit the couch. Night kids.

If's and What's and OMG's

2011-07-18T21:40:00.002-05:00

End of day was, Annie and I both got hair did. Pressure washer was picked up. She kinda asked me about was I going out, so I did. Brother who really isn't paid my tab so it was ok I went out. Heard The Dive has got to get a shitload of money or close in 3 weeks, and it sounds like they'll just be closing. That makes me sad.
Owner was meeting with money man tonight, so maybe not, but who knows.
Everyone is very quiet about it.

Got hair cut, got compliments on it, so I'm good. Gotta clean up for those interviews I'm gonna have when I finally put a resume out to everyone. Positive thoughts.

What do you put on a resume when you don't want to do that anymore? I have experience in lots of shit, but the last 15 years have been one thing. I'm tired of that one thing. Yeah, loving my time off doing shit, but I can't make a living doing it. I'd rather dig ditches than go back to what I was doing, but now I'm overqualified for digging ditches. Stupid.

Going to call Lucy and fuck up her tv viewing since I can't get into any of it, and put my ass in bed.
Night kids.

I Really Need to Get a Life

2011-07-17T23:46:00.003-05:00

Saw an old friend Friday night. There will be talk at The Dive about us. Lucy and I don't care. She's straight but not narrow, and having a bad time, so we hung out and had fun. Things have been very vanilla since then. The hilight of my weekend was Lucy introducing me to boxer briefs. They're wonderful.
Had lunch with the family today, dinner with The Assholes, (that I really wasn't at all hungry for) and that's about it. Boring.
Going to get hairs cut tomorrow, finish up fancy Resume' and iron for some interviews I hope I'll be having. After I fix the lawnmower, pick up the pressure washer, and finish cutting the yard.
It's sleep time, I get up way too early these days. Night kids.

I'm Good, Occasionally

2011-07-14T22:17:00.002-05:00

Mom had a Dr. Appt. today. Okay it got changed, she got herself there Tuesday, but I'd already planned today around that so I said "What the Hell." I spent the day with her, we had lunch with Babysis and I took her visiting. Aunt and Uncle (Dad's family) were happy to see us both, and I'm glad I did it. Called another Aunt (again Dad's family) but didnt' get an answer or would have gone there too. Mom had voicemail when we got home so I told her we'd go there next week.
Mom amuses me no end with her ability to get along with people. My dad's family loves her as does Baby Sister's dad's family (even tho she was accused of having him killed). Funny to me, but probably not to her.

I'll take her out again next week since I have nothing better to do. I enjoyed it too.

Now gotta go fix Lucy's little green boat about whining on Facebook and then I'm going to bed. Later kids.

So Stuff and Stupidity

2011-07-12T21:46:00.002-05:00

The weekend and beyond pretty well sucked. Funeral Saturday for a cousin, sort of. Babysister's Dad's family, but growing up I was around them more than I was my Dad's family so I still claim them and they me. Even tho it's been 20 yrs or so since I've seen most of them... Funeral was as nice as funerals can be. While on the way to that, got a call that an Aunt had passed, same bunch, so I saw them all again Monday for another one. Looks like I'm going to the family reunion with Babysis next month since they still claim me, and it would be nice to catch up in a more fun setting.

Today I had my coupons, my lists and my determination when I headed out the door to take care of business. Got a new gas cap, bought gas, stocked up on diet coke on sale and got to the grocery store for everything else. Didn't have my wallet. At least I discovered that before I got inside. Backtrack to the last 3 places I was because I paid cash at all of them and didn't need wallet. Cash is 1 pocket, wallet is another, wallet has cards and stuff. Came back home hoping, hoping, hoping.....and yes. It had fallen out of my pocket when I went to the bathroom before leaving. Stupid cargo shorts. I changed and off I went again. It was way too hot to be running around in a jeep with no air today, but things are bought. Didn't realize the sale on paper towels was that good so there will be more of those tomorrow after I go to the unemployment office to be hooked up with a job, I hope.

I'm off to make a phone call and hit the bed. I'm a tired puppy again. Night kids.

I Need A Donut

2011-07-11T01:24:00.003-05:00

Shhh, I was at Dad's for a couple of days, Mom doesn't know that. Annie and I fished Friday, then Lucy showed up to spend the night. I'll tell you about the whys and wherefores at some point, but now I'm upset about my ass. Long story short (too late I know), I fell Friday night. Part of it was me drunk, but part of it was also hardwood floor, steps and jeans slipping over bare drunk feet. I have bruises in the crack of my ass from hitting the step into the hallway. I made Lucy look. You know she was excited about that.
I'm home now, and need to put broken ass in bed since I have another funeral to go to. Sigh.
I think I'll go do that. Later kids.

Apparently I'm Not Depressed Enough

2011-07-06T20:55:00.002-05:00

Besides everything else, The Handsome Devil is failing on me. He has been for awhile, hell, he's old, but it's starting to get ugly. He smells like a bad nursing home because he's losing control. I had a loaf in the living room the other morning, and today he was standing on the deck pissing himself because he didn't know any better. He's still smiling, but having trouble getting up and around. It's just fucking sad.
He'll have a bath tomorrow, and all the help he wants until we have to. I'm just afraid have to is getting way too close.
On that note, I think I'll have another beer and put my ass in bed.

Best Laid Plans

2011-07-04T23:16:00.003-05:00

Obviously I've been away. After the last rant, still not done and I painted my ass off Friday and Saturday. Annie actually helped me Saturday so we were down to the bathroom. Got the walls all pretty and I started the ceiling, figuring 15 minutes or so and out. Oh Hell No. Popcorn ceiling, falling off. Went back Sunday and scraped that shit off, she now has to do some drywall work since she gouged the shit out of it. Nevermind. I got paid, I'm done. Just hate that Mom paid us for a job that I didn't actually finish, but oh well.

Tonight I was cleaning up some of my shit here, boxes that came from storage etc. That just finished making me want to kill myself.
Laughs at old pictures, tears at the same, and a bonfire in the fire pit before I closed the box to look at again later.
I'm weepy lately and I don't know if it's tired, stressed, stupid or what, but damn.

Different Things

2011-07-01T22:22:00.003-05:00

I think I need a job because all this physical labor is tiring my ass out. I was pissed this morning because Annie had something to do, told me to wait till she got back and we'd go paint. Then said I should drive up by myself anyway since she was gonna spend the weekend. If she'd told me that earlier, I'd be done by now. Worst part is, we didn't finish because she didn't want to (not that she's been much help with the paint anyway, she's been dry-walling the bathroom 98% of the time), but I digress, she also didn't stay. Going back up tomorrow with her and will finish with or without her and bring Jeep home.
Will also profusely thank her parents for paying us to do this and feeding me quite well this week. Her parents are great, I don't know what went wrong with her, but there I go again.
Annie did drop me at The Dive to meet Lucy and Ms. Sweet when we got back to town. Ms. Sweet beat me at darts and caused a scene, she actually hammered her fists against the wall laughing and dancing at beating me. I'm glad it made her happy, and it was funny as shit. She also paid my tab and asked me about working in her yard next week. Told her to bring it on.
I'm bitching about the labor, but actually I prefer it to the stress of the job I had. If I can make a living doing this shit, I'm all over it for now.
I just have other things to do also, like meet a friend with a job possibility, and mow the lawn here, and catch up with Mom and Babysis since the phone only seems to work one way from Armpit these days.
I should probably just go to sleep since I will be dragging Annie out of bed at the crack of dawn tomorrow to get this shit done.
Night kids.

So It's Like This...

2011-06-27T20:56:00.002-05:00

Lucy and I headed out to Dad's house Friday night after she and the other gnome kicked my ass at some darts. I made the mistake of saying something on facebook. Babysis wanted to know why we were going there instead of her place, and off it went. I didn't say anything, Dad's b-day was Saturday which was part of the reason for going, and we ended up staying till Sunday, seeing the kids and their kids and having a great time with Dad so it was all worth it. I just can't believe Babysis is being jealous about it. I got a text yesterday too, that I didn't answer, but I will have to call her at some point because really? WTF?
I know I haven't been there as much as I could be, but I've been working here as much as possible, and Annie's been gone so I'm maintaining. Being at Dad's is different than Mom's or Baby Sis' house anyway, there's no stress, he doesn't judge, doesn't question, we just hang out. There's a bit more of the other over there, so that's part of the reason. Plus Spawn. Love him to death, but being around him is sometimes work, especially when his Mommy is home. I dunno.
Off to smoke and call Lucy so I can put my ass in bed.
Later kids.

Holy Shit I have Friends

2011-06-24T00:17:00.003-05:00

I know I do, it's just nice to get unexpected shit. Like the shot last night, she didn't have to do that, and my tab was nowhere near what it should have been.
Tonight I ate because I'm tired of sandwiches and my own cooking. Waitress delivered my tab (a different one) and said she didn't eat today so she didn't charge me for her sandwich. I'm developing faith in humans again, that's a scary thought.

Dad showed up this morning and cut all the limbs I wanted cut while I hauled them to the street. He may have cut a couple Annie won't be happy about, but oh well, she wasn't here, and I was in the bathroom according to him. We had a good time and got shit done so I'm good with it. I did get the yard mowed before he showed up so my personal agenda is satisfied.

I played traitor and helped other people with trivia. I should be more assertive also, I knew 1939 was Gone With The Wind and Wizard of Oz, but backed off it. D'oh.

Have a lunch date with an old friend tomorrow so I should probably put my ass on the couch since my room is still screwed up. Annie took all the tools with her, so I have no drill bits to help affix my new blinds. Night kids.

Ok and Different

2011-06-22T21:59:00.004-05:00

I was getting ready to leave The Dive when the night bartender showed up at my dartboard with a friend. I was tired of my book and throwing. Wound up hanging for a bit longer, won all but 1 game so yay me.
Air guy showed up today and we need a new unit, not THAT kind, so I was out toasting the demise of the old one and had already cashed out when all this went on.
Bartender asked me about party last weekend, apparently the regular I don't really know commented on me going to the cornfield. I explained that it was just a joke, and he gets it, I'm not so sure she did.
Lucy was proud of me because she said the person she met 10 yrs ago would never have done that. I don't give a shit anymore. If I can make you laugh, I'll try. And I don't think I said anything about that here. Quick catchup. Out in the boonies, nothing but cornfields. Power went out, there means no water either. Toilet won't flush. I grabbed crossword puzzle book and tp and headed into the cornfield to do business. I was just being funny, but did pee while I was there. There are pictures.
Apparently people thought I was serious and they can all they want.
I have cookies tonight since I was dying for a Chips Ahoy! last night and didn't have one. Now I do.
I'll be sleeping on the couch again since I was trying to hang blinds today when Annie called and messed my day up, so my room is messed up, and Dad will be here in the morning for tree trimming.
I also had a shot while I was with the bartender courtesy of the other one, she's evil and I love her. So it will be an early evening for me.
Later kids.

I have time, why don't I write?

2011-06-21T20:37:00.002-05:00

Not much going on, no creativity in my head if there is so... *crickets*
I've been working in the yard and house, reading a lot, that's about it. I suppose I could take this opportunity to try my hand at some writing or something that I would actually like to do, but so far that spark hasn't sparked either. Just been taking care of business and playing as much as possible.
I was gonna use Dad's fancy tree saw today, but after getting it together I decided maybe I needed someone else here in case I lopped an arm or leg off so I took it back apart and cleaned house. That didn't last either, it's hot as hell and I'm waiting till tomorrow to call the air guy to make sure I get a check so I can cover it if it's something minor.
Annie's replacement got replaced or fired last week, not really sure which, so I'd like to make sure there is a payment in my account before I commit to spending some money since it's gonna be scarce soon.
Good news is I overpaid the utility bill so yay, free month, and Annie's parent's are gonna pay us to paint their house next week.
Bad news is I'm depressed and I'm getting on my own last nerve with that. I think it might be time for Annie to come home and let me leave for awhile. She's been hanging at her 'rents since they had an anniversary and stuff and some house re-model her sister is helping with. I don't begrudge her the time there, she needs to be, but I need a break from maintaining here. The Assholes are out of town so my usual refuge when my head gets to be too much for me is back to being The Dive and I can't afford to keep doing that. It's a vicious circle.
Anyway, off to finish the third book in 3 days and put my ass in bed. Later kids.

Thursdays with Dad

2011-06-16T22:31:00.002-05:00

The last couple of Thursdays I've taken people fishing. Annie and Mrs. Asshole specifically, and it was fun. Today Lucy and I went and just hung out with him for awhile. It was good. Next time I'll leave Lucy at home too. Dad and I haven't had any US time in awhile, and it doesn't matter if we just sit around and don't speak, we're good.
I came home with his fancy tree saw (that he delivered after we both forgot I asked for it) and a full belly since he cooked. Dad rocks.
Lucy and I went to watch Spawn play T-ball after hanging out, it was fun. I'd never been to one of those games. Ran into a cousin with a granddaughter on Spawn's team. Holy shit, I'm grandma age?
Stopped at The Dive for some trivia and people, came home and gonna crash soon. I'm a tired puppy.
I need to start looking for a job, but this unemployment shit is way less stressful so far. I know that's only because I still have a little money, but... I think the dick did me a big favor. I've got a little time to stop and think and decide. We'll see where it goes.

Another weekend

2011-06-12T19:55:00.002-05:00

Friday was ugly. I went to the old job and turned in my paperwork so I can get a few bucks. It was stressful. I then proceeded to get drunk and stupid and take my ass home to Armpit earlier than planned because Annie and I were having severe getting along issues. That part at least worked out. Lucy and I were supposed to baby-sit Saturday night anyway, so I got Saturday day tacked on. It was cool, I never get Spawn to myself.
Talking to Lucy, trying to find him clothes after we've vegged for a couple of hours, I threw him a pair of shorts and went looking for a shirt. Forgot what I'd given him so when I handed him a bright blue shirt, he informed me it didn't match. I needed something with gray in it according to him. Back to the closet I go, now he matches, except for those fugly lime green crocs he insisted on putting on. Oh well, he's the fashionista.
We had a good time, Lucy showed up later in the day so she got Spawn time too while Babysis went to her high school reunion. She invited me, mainly I think to drive her, but I knew she wouldn't drink much anyway and I didn't want to be a distraction or look like a chaperone so I stayed home too. It was cool.
Now I'm home, going to feed the dogs, take a shower and possibly a nap since the little one wore my ass out.
Later kids.

Friends and Enemies

2011-06-08T20:03:00.002-05:00

Funny how you find out who they are. For me anyway, I don't have many and I'm good with that, I don't trust most people so I'm not terribly surprised.
I haven't heard a word from people I worked with for 25 yrs, or less. They have my number.
That doesn't bother me. Crickets from bar friends who know what is going on is a different story. I guess everyone is trying to hang on to theirs and not caring about yours. I won't judge.
I've been working my ass off around the house while Annie went over to Mrs. Assholes's house to work out and do stuff in the mornings. Today we had a fish fry, and it flew out of my mouth. The Assholes are our best friends. Mrs. Asshole had to hug me on that one, but it's true. They have been there from day one for a place for us to hang, drink, eat, do whatever.
I love you Mrs. Asshole, not so much that your giant will care, but you know what I mean.
Finding out who your real friends are is a good thing.
Love you my long distance friends too, I just can't come over and poop at your house.
Going to bed since crack of doom, or dawn, or something like that is coming tomorrow.

A Tree Story

2011-06-07T21:38:00.002-05:00

After all the trimming the other day, there were still dead limbs in one of the dogwoods in the front yard, mocking me. Due to the hill there using a ladder was inadvisable. Due to the state of the tree's limbs (and my own) climbing up was not gonna happen, so today I got out the tree saw. That lovely extendable manual workout tool from a by-gone era. Well, it's a by-gone now, but I digress.
It was early so I got busy. The first couple weren't bad, then there were some high up that took a bit more energy, but done. I worked around here and there before finally meeting my nemesis. I had extended almost to the end trying to catch a small limb high up. Things weren't going well, when I noticed a car drive by....then back up and stop. Right across the street. I know it wasn't my ass jiggling since I don't have one, and I actually had on a shirt so it must have been the up and down motion of me working that limb that was fascinating them. (Little do they know.)
I slung sweat out of my eyes, telling myself they were just looking at the rental house. Then the limb fell, I heard applause, and they drove away.
I said fuck that and came in the house, I'll go borrow Dad's fancy trimmer that does all the work for you.

Tired, Sore and Itchy

2011-06-06T22:56:00.002-05:00

No, not dwarves, just me. Not really my idea, but yesterday was tree trimming and cutting down a couple of things, today I got up ready to mow the back yard and mower didn't want to start. My dumb ass took it apart instead of checking to see if the blade was jammed since I didn't clean the deck last time. That was the most likely cause, but at least it got cleaned up while I was in there. I then cut some more shit along the fence line and possibly found Annie's patch of poison ivy. Could also just be dust and stuff, showered right after finishing, not broken out, but feeling awfully itchy in spots.

Welcome to Craptabulous Friday

2011-06-03T23:26:00.002-05:00

I was having a bad day, reviewing my severance agreement and thinking about doing something in the 100 degree weather. I got over it. Decided I'd just be depressed and drink instead. I think everyone I know is mad at me right now and it has nothing to do with my today.
I pretty much just give up.

It's Fun, but Not So Much

2011-06-02T23:55:00.002-05:00

Taking today to go play was great. Mrs. Asshole went with us since she's unemployed too and loved it.
I'm not liking the unemployed part so much. I've worked somewhere since I was 15 so I'm having a bit of a problem with this extended vacation since I also haven't had a vacation in at least 10 years. Must be why the yard is looking good right now. I should work on the house some more.
Taking my ass to bed before I defame the company (since I finally read my papers).
Later kids.

Busy and not

2011-06-01T20:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I mowed, clipped shrubs, trimmed trees. I had a shitload of energy. It left a bit after lunch and hasn't really come back. I did go through some boxes and stuff last night, but the ready to go do stuff disappeared about the time the "OMG, you don't usually do this kind of thing" pains started. Today I was a Slug. I slept in, kinda sorta. Then pretty much dozed on the couch watching tv because today was even hotter than yesterday and I just wasn't in the mood.
Going fishing with Dad tomorrow, so YAY.
Re-grouping again after that. Must sleep early so I can get up at the crack of dawn. Later kids.

Not So Much Done

2011-05-30T23:07:00.002-05:00

Annie finally got up and left to go out of town. Told me not to mope and called Mrs. Asshole so I was guaranteed not to. I'm ok with part of it, but I really did just want time at home to do shit so...I dunno. I had permission to go somewhere else and drink, when I should have been at home cleaning shit I wanted cleaned. This won't last long.
Annie is gonna have to leave for a few days so I can do my shit, and leave me alone about it.
I'm thinking tomorrow since she's all about something else and I'm all done so, she should go while I work.
I don't know that I'll stay here, and I've hoarded shitloads of stuff over the years, so I'd like to burn, clean, get done.
My old life doesn't matter anymore, I have a clean slate now, I just need to decide what I'll write on it.

Stuff Done

2011-05-29T21:09:00.002-05:00

Got the storage building cleared out today. Planning a yard sale since I don't need most of this shit. Tired and sore, but at least that's done.
I think tomorrow will be yard work and hanging out and Tuesday start some wheels turning on getting other stuff sorted since everyone will be back in business. All the parentals know what's up now, Annie told hers today, so at least that's out of the way. Think I'm gonna go sit on the deck and smoke and maybe go through a couple of boxes, my back is killing me and sitting here isn't helping.
Later kids.

I gave up

2011-05-28T21:15:00.002-05:00

Lucy has been after me for a bit about Napoleon. I played nice.
I talked to mom earlier, she's ok. I'm ok, tomorrow I have to get in the real world again, I gave myself yesterday and today to be drunk. And I did. I'll be back in the real world tomorrow.I'll be visiting people for a few days since I can.
Off to see the Wizard. Night kids.

The One Where I Got Fired

2011-05-28T09:20:00.002-05:00

Got up late yesterday, got to work at 8:15, got fired by 8:30. Annie was getting it when I got there apparently. We came home, packed up some stuff and went to The Asshole's house and proceeded to get trashed. Yes, we spent the night there.
I called Dad because we were thinking about going to his house to fish, but never made it. Now I'm trying to work up the nerve to tell my Mother. Joy, joy.
Have a good day kids, I'm going to figure out what unemployed people do all day.

Yes, I Am

2011-05-25T21:05:00.003-05:00

Either stupid or just a big old softie. My Brother (who really isn't) showed up at The Dive tonight with his friend we usually throw darts with, and a very drunk young man I've never seen before. Brother proceeded to leave me with them, which wasn't a horrible problem since I like his friend. The kid decided to talk to me. I hope he was for real and not spinning me a tale just because he had me almost crying. On the other hand I hope he wasn't.
He said he's supposed to be heading to Afghanistan but got a text that he needed to get home, his Mother was in a bad way. He says he got a phone call, (and this is part of where I hate myself) I didn't hear or see his phone ring. He came back and said his Mom had passed.
I don't like being this suspicious of people. He didn't ask me for anything, he didn't come on to me or act stupid, but...
After he asked about the airport and left I actually drove around for a bit to see if he was walking since I had no idea.
So many people are stupid personified that I'm leery. I don't like that.
If the kid was for real, at least I gave him a hug and a heartfelt "I'm sorry."
It's sad that we have to safeguard ourselves so much. I want to belive everything he told me was true, but I'll never know.
That's what makes me sad, that yes, I am that heartless person.
I think too fucking much.